Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Lily


Yesterday was a special day.

During my last unit, in which we studied Night and other Holocaust memoir pieces and films, I reached out to Facing History and Ourselves--an organization that helps educators link history to moral choices today--about having a Holocaust survivor speak to my students. I emailed with a woman at Facing History for a few weeks, and then didn't hear from her.

Spring break passed, we finished studying the Holocaust, and we moved into our next unit (we're reading Othello). I felt terrible because I had mentioned to my students I was trying to have a survivor come speak. Then, last Thursday night, my contact at Facing History emailed me. A survivor--Lily Margules--was set to come the following Tuesday. On Friday and Monday, I scrambled to gain permission from my administration, reserve the biggest room in my school, and organize which 75 of my 130 students I was inviting.

On Monday and Tuesday morning I woke up with knots in my stomach. I was nervous. Nervous things would go wrong. Nervous she'd get stuck in traffic.
Nervous my students would disrespect her.

Around 10:30 Tuesday morning I met Lily outside of my school. The moment I met Lily, I felt connected to her somehow, almost as if I'd known her my entire life. I can't explain why I felt that way, but I did. She was so cute-- wearing a green skirt suit and heels. Heels!

At this point 75 of my students were already seated and waiting for her arrival. The second I opened the door, the room filled with applause. All eyes were on Lily as she walked to the middle of the room. I gave her water and pointed to a chair if she wanted to sit.

I briefly introduced Lily. Then, she began her story. She asked if anyone knew what "survivor" meant. One student, K, raised her hand tentatively. She said quietly, "someone who makes it through a difficult time." Lily, who moved toward K to hear, said, "Please speak up honey, grandma is hard of hearing." Everyone laughed. I could feel her warmth and desire to connect with my students on a deeply personal level.

For the next 45 minutes, the room was silent except for the bell and the trucks passing on the highway outside. Every student's eyes were transfixed on Lily as she walked around the room pouring out her painful memories of the Holocaust.

Lily's story made everything I had taught my students real. Her words had a power I cannot describe. Her poignant story moved every student in that room.

As Lily told a story of her act of resistance against the Nazis, a few students wiped away tears. After surviving the Vilna ghetto, a few slave labor camps and two concentration camps, in January 1945, Lily and her sister (among others) were forced on a death march. I cannot do her story justice. They trudged through the snow for days. One of Lily's friends had started limping, so Lily and her sister tried to help her stand up and continue walking. Their efforts failed, though, and the Nazi guard shot her in front of everyone. The guard then said, "You're all cold. Go, take her coat." No one else had a coat. Lily said that everyone stood there. No one took the coat from the girl they loved and cared about deeply. That was her act of resistance against the Nazis inhumanity. She refused to be turned into an animal.

After Lily took questions, we thanked her for sharing her story, for dedicating time to connect with us. Four of my students presented her with flowers. She hugged and kissed each student on the cheek, thanking them. (Let's just say I fought my hardest to hold back tears but failed miserably.)

After I dismissed my students, I was shocked by how many (maybe 30) gathered around Lily-- to say thanks, introduce themselves, shake her hands, and hug her.

As I said goodbye to Lily outside of my school, I felt like I was saying goodbye to one of my grandparents. She hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. As the car drove away, I felt incredibly humbled.




Friday, April 9, 2010

The birthday

Somehow my second period class (superstars) found out that tomorrow is my birthday. At the beginning of class, all they wanted to do was talk about me, my family (the triplets, especially. Sorry Myles :) ), and what I was doing to celebrate. I promised them if they worked their hardest on their essays for 40 minutes we could have the last five to talk and I'd answer some of their questions.

But, of course, after spending the whole period helping them with their essays I looked at the clock when there was a minute left in class.

As I was doing so, everyone sang "Happy Birthday" at the top of their lungs. My face became bright red ("Miss, you're blushing!" )and I couldn't stop smiling.

Nothing can ruin my day now.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

The tan

As many of you know, I spent my Spring Break on an island off the coast of Puerto Rico-- Vieques. After literally spending 5-7 hours each day on the beach (in the Caribbean sun), let's just say I became a few shades darker. I'm now both thriving in that fact and also regretting it, as I'm peeling all over.

One of my first conversations of the day:

Student: "Miss, what are all those dots on your face?" (Note the emphasis on dots and FACE.)
Me, confused: "Ummm. Freckles?"
Student, confused: "So you, like, took a tan?"

Me, confused: "I took a tan?"
Student, confused: "Well, whatever. You tan, Miss, you tan."

Glorious.

Here are a few pictures from my trip. Enjoy.







A difficult final project

I need silence. But, as I sit staring into my computer screen attempting to articulate who I am and who I’ve become over the last 1.5 years, I can only hear the rhythmic ping of a metal bat hitting a baseball. Ping. Ping. Ping. Classmates’ fingers furiously tapping keyboards. An occasional slurp from an iced coffee. The Manhattan-bound 4 train rolls by. A lone bird chirps. Spring time. Finally.

A swaying barren tree under a blue sky reflects in my computer screen. My vision blurs and sharpens, as I linger between the present and the past. The
silhouette of me. My shadowy, dusky reflection.

I tap my desk. Pull my
iPod out from my backpack. Eat a few chips. A year and a half worth of memories--some vivid, some vague--flood through my mind. Images. Conversations. And suddenly, I feel overwhelmed by emotion. Moments of elation. Frustration. Sadness. Helplessness. I fight tears as I search for meaning in these memories that I once fought to suppress but which now sit at the front of my conscious.

But the words are absent. Is it really words I lack? Or, am I unable to detach myself from my body and float into the air high above my head to see my life clearly? I suspect something in between.

As I search for the words the memories that seemed once so distant come to mind. I can only hope that, in forcing myself to recall them and drag them from my unconscious, I might finally understand who I am becoming.