Last Wednesday

Even though it was pitch dark out when my alarm beeped, I woke up this morning feeling positive about the day. I had planned on going for a run, but couldn’t muster up the energy to drag myself from the warmth of my blankets.

Even so, I felt great. I knew it was supposed to be sunny and warm--in the 60s! Was it possible that winter had finally left for good??

I felt good about what I had planned to teach-- in my ELA classes, we’d be analyzing the symbolism of Juliek’s violin. In my ELA/ESL class, my students were going to complete an Anticipation Guide and have a discussion to help prepare them to read Night (this particular class is a few weeks behind my others).

In my 2nd period class, which is becoming more and more like a true honors class every day, we had an incredible discussion about the true nature of human beings and what people are capable of doing to survive. I couldn’t help but think, Am I finally getting the hang of this?

My students were visibly moved by Elie’s horrifying journey from Buna to Gliewitz in the dead of winter. At one point during the reading, I had to pause in order to stop myself from choking up. How could I read this four more times today? I figured by 9th period, my mind would be numb. Death and corpses would cease to mean anything.

The day was going just fine until 6th period. (On Tuesday, we had an amazing class. We showed our kids the first 30 minutes of a powerful documentary "Children Remember the Holocaust." Every student, even the most disengaged and frustrated, had his/her eyes glued to the screen. They were taking notes. Occasionally asking questions for clarification. Expressing their discomfort when they heard horrifying words- “And the SS caught the baby on his bayonette.” Some students looked away. F said, “Miss. I can’t watch this. It’s too sad.” They were engaged. Learning. Absorbing the horrors of the Holocaust.)

Today was different, though; the complete opposite in fact. My co-teacher (the ESL teacher) was out of the building for a field trip with the AVID students, so I was on my own. I didn’t feel on my game. At all. I thought I was prepared to teach, but soon realized I wasn’t. In fact, I couldn’t even remember what we did the day before! How could I forget?

About ten students out of 25 were absent. This should be no problem. I can handle 15. I was wrong.

From the start of class, it was obvious to me that 6th period would resist me today. Most of them looked half asleep. Some wandered in late. It took about 5 minutes to get them to take out their binders and read the Do Now.

After a valiant--albeit failed-- effort to wake them up (suggesting jumping jacks, push ups, etc.), class started. But, no one wanted to do anything. Anything. What is going on here?! Even the best students--students who are on point ALL the time-- are messing around!

Finally, they settled down a little and wrote independently for about 10 minutes. After, we reviewed the rules of a class discussion (which we had JUST taught them a week ago).

Discussion on the nature of humanity commenced. It was terrible. Just terrible. What was going on?

Students were discussing the statement: In times of trouble, a person will save himself/ herself first. A thought-provoking statement. Or so I thought. I asked for volunteers to agree or disagree and explain their response. Nothing. No hands. No sign any student was even listening.

After staring at them in disbelief, I decided that perhaps they didn’t quite understand the statement. So, to clarify, I gave them a scenario.

Me: “OK. So. What if you and your best friend were approached by a bunch of gang members who had knives. They start hassling you. Giving you trouble. You decide to make a run for it--”

I’m cut off.

P. yells, laughing: “--HAHA those PUSSIES!”

Students laugh with her and encourage her.

Me, shocked but calm: “Are you serious P?”

(P. is one of my favorite students. Until today, I had never heard any vulgarity spew from her mouth. I was-- to say the least-- appalled by her behavior. Later, I stopped her during the fire drill and asked her what was going on. She didn’t look at me. Didn’t respond. I began to wonder if her outburst had to do with my co-teacher's absence. P. respects her.)

Not wanting to pay her any more attention, I continue with my scenario (which was proving to not serve much of a point...)

Me, trying to be dramatic: “--but you’re faster than your friend. Your friend starts falling behind. What do you do? Keep running? Go back for your friend and risk getting hurt?”

A. raises his hand. Wow. A hand. No curses. Finally. Someone has some life today!

A., enthusiastically: “Obviously I’d go back for my friend! How could you just leave him there to possibly get jumped or stabbed? WHO DOES THAT?”

Without raising her hand, F. shouts out: “Fuck that shit.”

Again. Really? What is going ON in here today?

Me: “Excuse me, F.? Is that any way to respond to your classmate who has just shared his opinion?”

F., knowing she was in the wrong: “Oh, sorry.”

(F. has the tendency to over apologize to the point where her apologies are completely fake. It’s almost as if she’s making a mockery of me and my rules.)

The unproductive and unaccountable discussion continued for about 3 more minutes, even after I told the students if they couldn’t start following our rules, we’d have to quit.

After the 5th time hearing “fuck” I called it quits. I told my kids they had to answer the discussion reflection questions silently and independently and that I’d be having a serious conversation my co-teacher about their behavior and their inability to follow the rules of a discussion.

They grumbled and began writing. Two minutes later, fire alarm. They shouted their approval. And suddenly, class was over.